Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
