Sry I called you an 8
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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