Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
birth control should be required to get into college
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
