whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
