At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
