I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
