You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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