i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
