you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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