I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
