who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize