It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize