im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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