Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
