You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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