like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
