You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
