cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
