She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
