we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
