I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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