How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I touched a dick in church today
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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