I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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