Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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