Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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