I looked at my own cervix.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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