I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize