well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
