Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
