Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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