Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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