I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
