brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
