the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
