He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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