i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
