You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
