I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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