He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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