hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
