Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
