i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
