I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
