my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
