I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
