I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
