You don't have asthma, your pregnant
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
