I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
