trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
