I smell stomach acid.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
