oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
