i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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