You can't motorboat a personality
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
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