Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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