i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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