Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
