Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
