forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
