While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
