just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
