Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize