I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
