The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
