she pinky promised me she was 18
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
