Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
