His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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