i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
