My underwear smells like fireworks.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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