it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I just want nice things and good sex
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize