i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
