u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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