We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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