If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
