Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
