McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
