i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
