how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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