I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If its not for food we ain't going out.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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