Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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