He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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