I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
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