her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
