zippers are such a cool invention
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
