Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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