Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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