why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
