I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize