Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
