i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
