all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
