you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
love makes seman taste better
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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