I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
