He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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