Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
