To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
