WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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