let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
