I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
