im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
