I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
