Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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